Saw a billboard this morning for a film I thought was called ‘Jaws of Attraction’ – well, it was starring Pierce Brosnan, so I assumed some savvy casting director had realised that rather than being a hunk of burnin’ love, Pierce is the most terrifying man alive.

Petty acts of rebellion I have performed today

When the bus conductor wouldn’t let people on the bus cos – quelle surprise – it was too busy, and she said “No, it’s full up.” I screeched back “Full of SHIT!” No, I’m not sure what I mean either.

When, for the second day in a row, the photocopier was jammed and needed fixing before it could be used again, I taped a notice to it saying “Dear all, if the copier breaks while you are using it, please fix it instead of leaving this for the next person to do. This is not nice.”

At work, drew a smiley face in biro on the wall near the lifts.

OK, Officer, I’ll come quietly.