I could have just taken him to Daquise

Monday night I made a Polish dinner. It was a fucking disaster. Tried to be a good little housewife and made herring with sour cream and salad, and potato pancakes. Shoulda been easy, but I almost burnt down the entire block. Got the herring in Tesco and it had skin on it, which I don't like to eat, and it was roll mops not regular Polish herring. I chopped onion to add to it, and some apple on the side, and creme fraiche instead of nasty old sour cream. Steve liked it but I could not eat it. And I was starving! For the potato pancakes I used one onion and two spuds (later my mum told me she uses like a quarter of an onion!) and had to grate the onion. Cue much weeping by me and Steve, as we took it in turns to grate a fucking onion. Cue me looking like Ray Charles as I stumbled about the house in sunglasses. Anyway, short story is I heated the oil too much and had to wear elbow-length oven gloves while I cooked as I was getting spat with hot oil, the pancakes were raw in the middle and burned on the outside, etc. etc. Got inordinately upset and had a fit, lying on my bed sobbing. I was just thinking that I can't make pancakes and my mum is the only person who can make them and when she dies I will be all alone... It just really hit me at that moment! We salvaged some of the pancakes and then had a massive sticky toffee pudding for dessert, which made up for the farce that was my attempt at my national cuisine...

Here is a good recipe, the one my mum uses. She’s been cooking these for about fifty years.

2 large potatoes
¼ medium onion
1 egg
Heaped tablespoon of flour
Salt and pepper to taste

Grate the first two ingredients. Add the egg, flour, s&p and mix it all up. Have about half a centimetre of oil heated up in a frying pan, and cook over a medium heat (here’s where I slipped up… ok, and the onion bullshit) for a couple of minutes on both sides. Drain on paper towels and eat.